Appearances vs. Reality

Anyone who has had the blessing of caring for children on a regular basis knows the differences between your first interaction with the child and the reality of his or her nature. There is that initial "honeymoon" period of behavior where they are able to control their struggles, and then there is reality. Reality is always uglier and messier than it first appears. Adoption agencies do a good job of preparing your for some of these struggles, having you read books that discuss worst case scenarios and how to deal with them. They use phrases like artificial twinning, post-adoption depression, and the dreaded reactive attachment disorder. We have prepared for some of these problems especially those unique to adopting older children. What will it be like for them to use a toilet the first time? How do I teach them to shower? How will they handle the 17 hour flight? How will I handle the 17 hour flight with all 4 for them? Will they be overstimulated by American culture? What foods will they like? How will they interact with our other children? How can I communicate with a child whose language I don't understand? And the questions mount as the stream of consciousness flows with more and more firsts for these children. We have prepared for these concerns. Over the past few days we have started to see the "reality" of our children. Shega... playful, likes games, but possessive of her belongings. Atanfu... Rough, likes active games, when angry he kicks. Mirihetu... in his own little world, happy, quiet, seems to be oblivious to the orphanage. Ashenafi... seems to include the others, holds hands well, likes soccer, "gets" that we are adopting him. At first that last statement doesn't seem too important but it is of the utmost importance in Levi Ashenafi's attachment to us. Today as we were preparing to leave he developed a "headache" that caused him to withdraw, shed tears, and have difficulty explaining his emotions. He had this intense look of sadness. Chandra and I saw it right away; even without words we understood. You see to Ashenafi there has been a continual pattern of people who have come into his life and abandoned him. His father, dead. Six homes in the last 2 years. His birth mother, relinquished him. Sent to one orphanage. Now in another. Eighty-three children in his current orphanage with scores of parents like us coming in and out to adopt other children. Never him. Now there is a family for him but every day they leave? Why do they leave? They say they love me? Why don't I go home with them? We are just another layer of disappointment to him. When adopting you understand there is baggage that comes along with the child. As the parents you have to deal with all of the failures and disappointments the child previously encountered. But never do you enjoy seeing that inner struggle. It is so painful to see. So ugly and real. Yet it is the reality of the situation. We reach down into the muck and filth of their past life and vow to walk through it with them. To help them when they can't see and to feel for them when they are too hurt to feel. But it is never pretty, and it is always painful. Maybe that is why the reality of the cross is so different than the appearance. A cross necklace is a beautiful and innocent reminder of God's sacrifice for me. The reality of the cross is so completely different. God allowed himself to be bruised, bloody, and broken for me. A broken people being saved by a God who chose to be broken to reach us. He reached into the muck and the filth of my life to walk through it with me. And so we, as the people of God do likewise. As God brings it to your mind, please pray for those concerns above; mostly how to reach them.